Penned in the Pub

I

Tired pathway time meandered

For those urges, squat, unpandered

Peaceful mind, sad roadway standard,

Picturesque the scene.

II

Those Welsh chords played sweet their tune

Brightened Monday afternoon,

Black sky hovered, yet no Moon,

Off this drug I'd wean...

III

Those brief pupil tugs, magnetic

Drive the organs manic, hectic

Wounds now healed, drained the septic,

These lips, wet, did glean!

IV

Once, twice, our waves crashed together

Beating gloom-filled stormy weather,

Gone though now! Just brief we'll sever;

For your heart I'm keen.

1

Mr Nosepop owned a house

A large, ancient house,

Which he shared with little Len:

Lenny the wee mouse!

2

Mr Nosepop knew not though

That his lodger mouse

Was residing rent free in

His old, draughty house.

3

Not until his food was nicked

And poop drops he saw,

In the hallway, on the stairs -

And his bedroom floor!

4

"I must have mice!" Nosepop squealed

"I will catch those pests!

There's no way those rodents will

Pass the Nosepop tests!"

5

First, he placed a block of cheese

On his double bed.

But the fool dozed off and Len

That night was well fed!

6

"I will shoot the thieving gits!"

Nosepop fumed next morn,

And a lot of awful words

From his lips were sworn!

7

That night Nosepop fetched his gun

Loaded it and sat

Eagle-eyed heart pounding fast

On his kitchen mat.

8

A huge leg of pork he cooked

Gosh, it smelled most grand;

Then he waited, patiently

With excited hand...

9

Lenny was too smart for him

That night he'd not show,

And, when knackered, Nosepop plod

Off to bed - great woe...

10

"Bastard! Wanker! Cheeky sod!"

Nosepop yelled in pain.

"Those brats polished off my pork!"

He was mad! Insane!

11

"This time," red-faced, he declared

"They shall NOT beat me."

To the village store he drove

Laughing, "he he he!"

12

Fifty mousetraps Nosepop bought:

Scattered round his home

They were; "I WILL catch those thieves,

There's no place to roam!"

13

That night the moon shone and howls

Echoed through the town,

Nosepop rubbed his hands in glee

Gone had his fierce frown.

14

Lenny hesitated, but

With a rumbly tum

Smelt the roast ham, cheese and lamb

And squeaked "Yummy-yum!"

15

With nose twitching rapidly

Lenny crept in fear...

Knowing that one mishap - small

Would bring his end near...

16

Suddenly a bright spark beamed

Deep inside his brain;

"My mechanic training should

See this problem drain..."

17

Lenny used his skills and with

His claws working fast,

He rigged many traps with ease

And munched - YUM!!! - at last!

18

Come the early hours... SNAP!

Up he leapt in bed:

Mr Norris Nosepop who

Smugly (out loud) said:

19

"Caught a little blighter! Ha!

At last I have won!

I hope it is squashed real good!

Now it's time for fun!"

20

"I will swing it by his tail

With tongs its teeth - pluck!

And I'll toss it in a stew,

Into it I'll tuck!"

21

Mr Nosepop fainted with

One almighty CRASH!

And, whilst he was "out of it" -

Lenny, in, would cash!

22

All the cheese left, all the meat

On each trap he scoffed;

Then he darted back to kip

Up in Nosepop's loft!

(Mr Nosepop - what a twit!!!) 

Nov/2022,  Somerset.

Lettuce see how they get on...

 For Alfie and Bella xx

Inkle, Pinkle and Tinky-Twoo

Lodged in a Grocer's store.

As the country - loud - did snore

With their hearts beginning to pour

They said: (this is true)

"Please God, let us leave this fear

Lettuce live much longer,

As it stands our death is near

From this murder, lettuce steer,

Help us grow much stronger."

As the moonlight twinkled proud

A quick thunderous roar

Overhead like one big cloud

As the Zipple-Zopple ploughed,

Brought hope to their shore!

Inkle, Pinkle and Tinky-Twoo

Each grew a marvellous grin,

"I know now what we must do"

Trio-esque their brave words flew,

"Let's go for a spin !"

With the most ginormous shakes

And great sideways wobbles,

Set free they did from their brakes

(As the three let out bum-quakes)

Which turned MAD The Yoggles!

Right across the Grocer's floor

The three rolled in joy;

By the fruit they took a tour

Inkle shouted, "Apple, cor...

Quit your hiding, boy!"

On and on the Icebergs rolled

"Lettuce roll all night,"

Shrilled they as some tatties - old

And snot berries with a cold

Giggled. What a sight!

Dizzy heads the Icebergs had

Rolling, twirling, spinning;

To be happy they were glad

Salad lovers will be sad...

But the three were winning!

'Til a sudden shuffle sound

Metal fiddle jumbles

Started up, their smiles drowned

And a panic would be found;

In their guts formed rumbles...

"It's the owner!" Pinkle cried

"Lettuce back up! Help!"

Butterflies flapped hard inside

Icebergs now so teary-eyed,

Then, a friendly yelp:

"Lettuce help our cousins out"

Grandpa Romaine, gurning

Billowed, and a grumpy sprout

Who was stinky (without doubt)

Moaned, "It's Mr Turding!"

Romaines pulled the Icebergs back,

Silent they would wait.

In good time a fresh attack

They'll start. Jitters they did sack;

Lettuce watch their fate...